Castle Cary Station

Sunshine and a strangely crowded platform.
Same old sinking feeling,
Although it was never you before.
Neither of us wanted me to wait for your train.
Remember the old push down windows?
Beeping automatic doors aren't the same,
Though this is the same game.

I used to put my hands over my ears,
As the engines roared and gathered speed.
While you relished the whoosh and rush.
Waving goodbye until it was out of sight.
The empty car unwelcoming as we returned to routine.
You'd be chatting, chatting, chatting.
I'd be watching, watching, watching.

We knew however regular this goodbye it wasn't quite sane.
Parceling up our tiny heartbreaks into ribbon normality.
Twenty years on we remember that practiced neutrality.
Stoicism is key. A smile and a casual see you soon.
Connived pretence that you'll be out to visit.
Not daring more words; that same quick hug,
Since we began living apart.

For a jealous moment I hate all those genuinely casual,
Goodbyes happening around us.
But as it is I turn before there are tears.
The waiting car a sanctuary for temporary insanity,
Before I return to family reality.
In the first few days I don't utter your name.

Now we've turned the corner;
Half way point. We know this bit well.
You; head down, focus on the job in hand and,
Before you know it; normality has returned.
Me; sociable, planning and counting. Anxious to,
See that you know,
I'm coming home.

Christmas Eve

Tinny bell,

Secrets and the dark;

a dusty smell.

Love sketched on my heart.

Santa Claus,

As played out by you,

Second-hand call,

Not that we ever knew.

Powder scent,

Your voice on the phone,

The day you went;

Only the past on loan.

We were made,

To be left behind.

This past decade,

Thoughts of the Christmas-kind.